::3.31.2004::
We all make mistakes...
Why? Why am I continually destined to make huge drastic mistakes, and then turn around and try to fix them without first stopping to think about it? Why am I doomed to only recognize the consequences of my actions when it has become far too late to do anything about them? Damned hindsight... So here is the scoop:
Friday night – Tiff is supposed to start tomorrow, and Kris (one of the managers of ‘Freeland’s’) comes to me and asks me to come in early and train Tiff because Kris won’t be able to make it to work when she told Tiff to get there. (Big mistake #5 – getting ex-girlfriend job at the same restaurant that I work at, without expecting or at least considering that the past will be brought fourth) Now, I was raised to never say no to your boss, so being the stupid totter that I am, I told Kris sure. (Big mistake #4 – saying yes to something you know is going to fuck up your life)
Saturday – I show up at six fifteen, fifteen minutes earlier than Kris asked me too. I needed to get some stuff together for training. Six thirty rolls around and Tiff shows up… I’m speechless; maybe it was the lighting, or the smoke, or just the atmosphere of the bar rearing it’s head and regaining it’s bearings on the world, I don’t know exactly what, but when I looked across the bar time stood still and all I could see was her and she glowed. I’m not talking like a light hit her just right, I mean her whole being shimmered and shined brighter than any sun, and sparkled more than any star in the night sky. It was as though the rest of the world reeled back in worship at her divinity, and only I was foolish to look upon the goddess. (Big mistake #3 – my failing to recognize the possibility of my feelings for her becoming too overwhelming for me to control.) Needless to say as soon as Kris got there I hurried my ass back to the kitchen in the hopes my flat feet would touch solid ground again, looking for the world to return.
Sunday – I wake up around eleven, and in the process of foraging for breakfast, my brother tells me that Tiff called earlier. The nourishment that I was seeking quickly became a phone call, shower, shave and a hurried drive to her house to pick her up (Big mistake #2 – saying yes and going with her that day, not that I regret that one). She is on spring break next week so she wanted me to go swimsuit shopping with her (that I didn’t care about I just wanted to hangout with her). After going to both Perimeter Mall and Northpoint Mall, we ended up going back to my place (more specifically my room…) and throwing in a movie (“Blow” with Johnny Depp and Penelope Cruz). I’d never watched it, and I didn’t watch it with her, about twenty minutes into the movie I couldn’t focus anymore. I ended up just laying there on my bed with her next to me and listening to her breath. She was falling asleep, but there was something about her that just made me melt like ice on a hot summer’s day. She fussed at me for letting her fall asleep, and eventually gave a shock that I still am reeling from today. About three quarters of the way through the movie she rolls over and asks me if I want to make out. All of you ladies out there who follow this out there I’ve a question for you WTF is with you and driving men insane!!?? I mean this is the same girl who just a few weeks ago was quoted as saying “let’s just be friends” when I asked about a good night kiss. I pulled her closer to me, full filled her bidding, and I mean what else was I supposed to do? I dropped her off and went to work where, being the love struck puppy that I am I could not focus on a single thing. I brought it up with one of my female confidants, and she replied “You’re in love. And now she’s got you thinking and that makes you putty in her hands, the worst part is that she probably knows it.”
And the #1 biggest mistake I’ve made is falling in love.
“She looked so beautiful in the moonlight, but it wasn't only the way she looked, it was what was inside her, everything from her intelligence and courage to her wit, and the special smile she gave only to him. He would slay a dragon, if there were such a thing, just to see that smile. He knew he would never want anyone else for as long as he lived. He would rather spend the rest of his life alone than with someone else. There could be no one else.”
Richard Cypher, Wizard's First Rule by Terry Goodkind
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Alan spun round and round on 3/31/2004 11:49:00 AM
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::3.22.2004::
REAL-izations abound.
Wow, it's been quite some time since my last update, so this is going to be a very long entry. One of the kitchen guys at Freeland's has gone on spring break, so I've been picking up quite a few shifts there, and needless to say though I'm making quite a bit of money, its been killing me. It has been quite a while since I've been this tired, but once this guy gets back from spring break, I'll have plenty of money to go on a trip of my own. I never heard back from Amy (the 'Starbucks' girl), so I'm kind of bummed about that.
I managed to get Tiff a job at Freeland's as a hostess (long story), but the more that I think about it now, I really don't want her to work there, even though she really wants to get into the food industry. I do really care about her, but you know, she almost never showed the same care toward me, it just makes me start thinking about where I really stand with her. Oh well, guess I'll just have to toughen up and keep business and personal separate.
Sarah has been acting all buddy-buddy with me lately, and frankly it's rather bothersome. I've found that I'm still very attracted to her, and that she has become flirtier than before, making it difficult to an unimaginable degree not to do anything. She dragged me to one of the FWHC meetings the other day too, and while I believe in a woman?s choice, I really didn't want to be there. I'm not a very politically active person, and to be forcibly shoved into that lime light, well, I think I can say that we?ve all had an experience similar to that. It's kind of scary talking to her nowadays, she has got to be the oldest 17 year old I know, she worries about all these things that most of the people work worry about and most of them are late 20's early 30's. It's disturbing having to see someone waste their youth fretting over things that most people don't begin thinking about until their married. Oh well, it's not my problem or my choice. All the same though, I really and truly wish that she would stop trying to get back into my life, I know it's mean to say, but in all honestly I was doing better without having to deal with her.
The screen play is coming along nicely, but I'm going to have to cancel the web comic for the time being, I just haven't got the time that I thought I'd have and I can't seem to place together a storyline that I actually like. I'm working on several songs in varying styles from rock to blues, but the screenplay is by far the biggest project in the wood works so to speak. If I get around to it, I'll be posting a few teasers from it soon.
Speaking of writers, I had lunch with Miguel today and he is still as modest as I remember. I hadn't seen him since graduation, and it was really hard to believe that it's been almost a year since we last hung out. He's hardly changed, a little older and a little wiser, but still same ol' Miguel. We had a quaint lunch at Chic-Fil-A and then just sat and chatted about what we've been up to, where we see ourselves going, ect. ect.. It was weird though, I don't remember exactly when, but at some point during the conversation I stopped and realized, "Wow, I really sound like an adult." I mean here I am on my lunch break talking to someone who, not even a year ago, I could sit with and do nothing but make poop and fart jokes with and that would be a decent conversation. Needless to say I felt empowered, I was like woah, did I just say that, did I just go through a whole conversation where all we discussed were our views on the media and where we want to be in the entertainment industry in 10 years??!! I guess the past year just converged itself all in that moment, and it finally set in that the days of going out and doing things only because they were 'fun' were over, and now it was time to get down to the business of living. I don't know maybe I'm just rambling again (as I'm known to do), but it doesn't feel like it, no this is different. I can't quite place it with all those other times.
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Alan spun round and round on 3/22/2004 11:46:00 AM
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::3.15.2004::
Zombie's Are Among Us!!!
Dead tired, will post a full update soon.
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Alan spun round and round on 3/15/2004 10:59:00 PM
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::3.09.2004::
Booze, Schmooze, And All New Crew's; It's An Update!!
What’s been going on:
Friday – Poker night was rain checked, new date TBA. Ended up going out with Tiff, all in all it was a great night, until we got to my dropping her off. We had just pulled into her driveway, and I played the coy shy guy, and asked if “she’d mind if I ‘tried’ something”, my intent being just a goodnight kiss, hell even a peck on the cheek would have topped off the evening. Her response? “Couldn’t we just be friends?” ::eye twitch:: ::eye twitch::...
Needless to say I felt like a complete ass/fool. I mean how the hell should one react in that situation and still walk away with some dignity? Answer: YOU CAN”T!!!! So what did I do you ask?
I politely said “yeah, that’s cool.” And she got out of the car. When I got home I had to turn around and go get Charles from Sarah’s... (Grr...). So I went and got Charles put up with Sarah and her blatant ignorance till she got out of my car, which I promptly sprayed down with Lysol when I got home. After that I broke my New Years Resolution, downing half a bottle of Puerto Rican Rum, and grooving to Hootie And The Blowfish’s “Let Her Cry”. I’m working on a play list for a ‘drink away your blues’ CD, I figure if I’m going to break my resolution, I may as well do it to some good old’ depressing music.
Saturday – went to breakfast with Sarah (very, very, reluctantly). She seems to think now that because we haven’t talked in a few months that things are cool between us, that the way that I feel about her is dead. To be honest yes, the way that I feel about her is dead, but I really don’t want to start hanging out with her again. We both said some very hurtful things in regard to our friendship, and I really haven’t forgiven her for it, nor do I feel like forgiving her. I mean to have to stoop to that level in order to get her to recognize my opposition to things is completely ridiculous.
Plus when I told her about what had gone on Friday night (minus the drinking part) she replied, “You mean that girl with the shiny face, you went out with HER!!??”
... (@_#) ...
I mean WTF, I’m sitting right there and your not only being rude, but to blatantly display that you’re that shallow... I’m not even going to go into that...
I admit, I was pretty pissed off at the occurrences of Friday night, but I’m not about to banish Tiff from my life, even if she doesn’t feel the same way towards me that I feel about her, I’m not about to say get the fuck out and never come back (damn my nice-ness, were I not such a nice guy I probably would have done that). I care about Tiff, I really do, I’m not about to use the ‘l’ word again, cause that’s not where our relationship stands anymore.
Sunday – slept till noon (that was nice). Went to work, and found that they were looking for a host and another server, so I called Tiff and told her that I might be able to score her a better paying job working in food service (she told me she’d like to get into it, retail gets old after a while). She got all excited, and said she’d like to give it a try, now I’m just waiting for her to call me so we can work out a meeting with my boss.
Monday – worked, got off early and went to meet up with Rose, Liz, and Colleen. Saw Starsky and Hutch again. All in all I had a pretty good time.
Tuesday – I was really early for work, (8:30) so I went to Starbucks and had my usual, a quad toffee nut latte, looked around and sitting at one table I noticed a pretty cute Korean girl sitting over a textbook. I took a seat on the other side of the café, and started working on my screenplay. Not even 5 minutes go by when who sits next to me on the couch, but the girl. Her name is Amy, she’s studying graphic design at the Art Institute, and she’s 19 and will be 20 this May.
(^_^)
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
Been catching quite a few questions as to my relations with Tiff, and my meaning behind, " I care about Tiff, I really do, I’m not about to use the ‘l’ word again, cause that’s not where our relationship stands anymore."
Here is the final word so to speak...
Yes, I still have very strong feelings toward Tiff, but in the same respect, I care deeply for her. I guess the point that I see our relationship is as follows:
- I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really like her. She has got to be the best thing in my life right now, and I'm not about to lose it no matter the cost.
- She enjoys my company, and just generally being around me.
- Though she doesn’t feel toward me the same way that I feel toward her, I’m willing to go on my way, but I’m going to do everything I can to make sure she’s happy and well-off. I figure if I can’t give her what she wants then I (obligated by my personal feelings) should do all that I can for her. In short if she’s happy, then I’m happy, even if it doesn’t involve me.
I ran out of things to do at work today, and started thinking of all of the people that I haven't talked too in god knows how long. People like Neil, Kristin, Brian, Dave, Chatten, Drew, I mean the list goes on and on. So I just started punching names into Dogpile (don't ask me what my logic was on that one...) and somehow managed to find Kristin's old site. I read a few various entries, and slowly realized that even though we'd known each other since freshman year, she never once mentioned me not even casually. I dunno I just found it odd. any how yeah I'm done, gonna go home and sleep till some other form of B.S. wakes me and I've got to go deal with that.
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Alan spun round and round on 3/09/2004 11:53:00 AM
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::3.08.2004::
'Quickies': The New Sex Fad
Just to let those who read this, I will be updating the site tomorrow at work, as I've very little to do there now-a-days. I'm still working on the archives aptly dubbed "The Fortress Of Solitude", the writings section (needs a catchy Superman themed alias), and the art section (yes, it too needs a catchy themed alias). I'll also be posting the big story that everyone is hearing about, 'This Past Friday Night', better known as "Lets-just-be-friends strikes again... FROM HELL!!!!" So in short, tomorrow will be a general update day. I'm also looking for a good pic of me to use for the site, so any of you who've managed to capture a photo of the elusive and camera shy Alan, feel free to send me a copy to use as a candidate.
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Alan spun round and round on 3/08/2004 10:10:00 PM
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::3.02.2004::
Lord Of The Ring's Takes 11; The Asian Kid Takes 10 (He He, It's A Pun, Get It??!!)
Well here is what’s going on right now in handy-dandy list form:
1) Poker night is this Friday (March 5, 2004) those of you out there who hope to be there you’ve got till Thursday to tell me somehow.
2) I’ve begun writing a screenplay; I’ll be posting further updates on this later in the month.
3) I’ve begun work on a web comic, which I’ll be hoping to start as soon as I can get more space from my host.
4) I’m also adding a section to the site that is just my writings, so those out there who enjoy my work will be able to enjoy it whenever you please.
5) This fall I’ve decided I’ll be joining the student body of Georgia Southern; hope to see all my old classmates there.
6) I’m forcing myself to write more lyrics, so that my new band (we still need a singer) will have material soon as we get around to practicing.
7) Been thinking about Tiff quite a bit, and thought that since I know she doesn’t follow this site, I’d post a little project I started long ago but never finished. It’s the album art for a 2 CD set I was making her for when she leaves for England, it should be up before the months out.
8) Hoping to start posting on a regular schedule so that those who follow this site will know when to check for updates. The way that I figure is that when I start the web comic and writings section I’ll need to start keeping those updated on a regular basis.
9) I’m in need of more characters for my comic, send me a current picture and I’ll try and send you back a sketch of you for your approval, the comic itself will be black and white, so don’t get too picky about what your character will wear.
10) I should have my new computer done soon, all I need to do now is order my nice LCD flat panel monitor… maybe I’ll get a nice plasma big screen instead…
(^_^)
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Alan spun round and round on 3/02/2004 12:04:00 PM
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