::12.27.2003::

Mood: Indescribable.

So, another Friday night all alone, yee haw… It’s funny I thought that maybe Tiff actually wanted to spend time with me, god damn, I hate it, I hate how I’m always trustful of people even after they’ve screwed me. Here’s the story, as best I can recall having downed about 2 beers and 3 shots of rum, Tiff calls me Monday night and wants me to go hangout with her after work Tuesday, so of course not being one to say no to a beautiful young woman (especially one whom I’ve such history with) I say yes. Tuesday afternoon rolls around, and she calls saying that she’s not feeling well, I make the offer to come over and keep her company and she shoots me down, saying that we could just reschedule till Friday. So, the week goes on, I rouse myself away from a drunken stupor so as not to screw things up for Friday night. Now Friday night rolls around (I’ve been staring at my liquor cabinet as though it were a naked supermodel sitting on my bed upon arriving home from work, since Wednesday morning) and low and behold after leaving a message on both her cell and house phones, she never responds. So what do I do you may ask? Well, I get my lowly ass up and go out, I ended up finding myself sitting in a theatre watching ‘Cold Mountain’ (don’t ask me how it was I don’t remember). After a pit stop at Waffle House for some self abuse of the stomach kind, I returned home and tore into my stash as though it were a present on Christmas morn (which by the way I didn’t get to do Christmas morn, as my parents made me open all my gifts before they left for Destin). Now here I sit, having had one of the most miserable Christmas’ of my life and just coming to realize that I spent $30 on 2 posters for a bitch that won’t even return my fucking calls, not to mention the fact that having the house to myself for a week was nowhere near as nice as I’d hoped it would be.

So, the next and probably final question is; am I really going to let this get me down?


Answer: Fuck yeah, look at me, it’s the goddamn holidays and here I am alone, drunk off my friggin’ arse, in an empty house, and I’ve got nothing to do tomorrow but laundry and cleaning. The holidays in my book fucking suck. If it damns me to hell to say ‘humbug’ then gimme the fucking ticket and I’ll me more than happy to go get on the hell train. I mean the way I figure it is that the only way that my life would get any worse is if the following events occurred in the following order:

1) I pass out from booze and spill it on my computer
2) The computer catches the alcohol and I’m awaken by a flammin’ desktop
3) Having put out the flames and gotten the alcohol out of my system, I go to the computer store, but while in the store someone smashes into my car
4) I have no choice, but to call Sarah and ask for help
5) Sarah arrives in no time at all, but she brings David
6) Upon returning home, I am forcibly polite and invite them in
7) I open the door to hear the phone ringing, its Tiff calling to confirm what I’ve just told you in above entry
8) I drink my self to death
9) Sarah and David both come to my funeral then go have sex in their car in the parking lot of the church
10) Tiff comes crying to my coffin side and blubbers on and on about how wrong she was and how much she loved me
11) My parents arrive home from Destin to discover the house is a mess and has not been cleaned while they were gone, only later to discover: A) what has happened to me while they were gone B) my stash of alcohol in my room, which was acquired through my manager C) this website

Now with my past and my current run of oh-so-great-luck that I’ve been having, odds are that all this will happen, but somehow just to add to the cosmic joke that is my life god will inevitably throw in my getting struck by lighting somewhere.

>> Alan spun round and round on 12/27/2003 12:30:00 AM (0) comments

::12.21.2003::

Mood: Content

This has most certainly been a good weekend for the revelations of life. I went out with Tiffany Friday night and it was probably one of the best evenings I’ve had in quite some time. We went to the movies and saw “Mona Lisa Smile” then we ended up headed to Starbucks by AMC and we just sat and talked. She asked me quite a bit about drinking and my plans for college and life after college, she thinks that I should go learn to be a chef since I’m working in 2 restaurants. I dropped her off at about 11, and then went to Suburb-A-Night till about 3:30. I didn’t get up until about 1:30 in the afternoon, hung out with my buddies till work and seems that that is what I’m gonna do today as well. My parents leave Tuesday for Destin, so this coming week is gonna be slow as hell, but nice and quite in the same regard.


I was flippin’ through a site full of various writers tidbits, and found one that I wish wrote:

Here's to the crazy ones... the misfits; the rebels; the troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do, is ignore them; because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.

>> Alan spun round and round on 12/21/2003 03:28:00 PM (0) comments

::12.18.2003::

>> Alan spun round and round on 12/18/2003 09:12:00 PM (0) comments

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::12.09.2003::

Ph34r t3h n3w-n3S5...


New layout!!! New layout!!! New layout!!! Yes, yes, yes, you know you love the new-ness of it all, ph34r it bia-tch. So how do you like the finished product, it's been a while in the making, and now it's finally here.

Here's an update on me and my little insignificant life. I’ve taken on another job to keep me from spending money. The funny part is that the new job would pay better than my old one. My old job I’m on a salary of $750.00 a pay period which equates to $8.33 an hour. My new job gives me on the average $9.00 an hour, now if I worked the same hours at the new job and given for time and a half for overtime, I would make $855 a week. Now by sacrificing my nights on the weekend (normally spent doing one of two things 1. nothing or 2. stupid shit) and keeping both jobs I make a grand total of $1,074.00 a pay period. In other words in about 5 months I’ll have raked in $10,740.00 or a semester’s tuition at a decent college, or an apartment, or a whole new recording studio, a badass entertainment system, one helluvah computer, the list goes on and on.

Now with the free time I’ve got left, I’m generally bored off my ass, so I’ve killed time with the following:



Your soul is bound to the Solitary Rose: The
Alone.

"When I wake up alone, the shades are still
drawn on the cold window pane so they cast
their lines on my bed and lines on my
face."

The Solitary Rose is associated with loneliness,
melancholy, and patience. It is governed by
the goddess Merope and its sign is The Sword,
or Unrequited Love.

As a Solitary Rose, you may be summed up as a
hopeless romantic. You desire love and have so
much love to give, but thing just never seem to
work out the way you want them to. In life,
you can be very optomistic, even when things
are gray and nothing works out to your
expectations.


What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

There is one question on this test that made me wary of my own answer, which was:
A date where everything seems to be going wrong at first, a late arrival, a bad waiter at dinner, and a taxi that doesn't show up. Then it starts to pour... but you share the most perfect kiss under the moonlight, in the rain.

Something about this appealed to me, like if I had date like this it would still be a great date. Maybe it’s because I haven’t gotten any in about a year, or maybe it’s the whole hopeless romantic bit, but I seriously think that I loose masculinity points for that answer. I’m not going to lie and say that I clicked it because of some pseudo attempt at scoring some action with someone, but damn, the fact that I didn’t made me realize how much of a freakin’ puss I am. Any hoo, back to the stupid quiz things.



You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a damn,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.


What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


Your element is Water. You are a deep person and a
good communicator. Incredibably loving and
loyal when your trust is gained and you are
fairly mature.Myterious to the utmost water is
in everything. One can be an Ocean or a river
but nobody truly knows you.


What's your element
brought to you by Quizilla


You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Your Heart is Grey


What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla


"You must remember this, a kiss is still a
kiss". Your romance is Casablanca. A
classic story of love in trying times, chock
full of both cynicism and hope. You obviously
believe in true love, but you're also
constantly aware of practicality and societal
expectations. That's not always fun, but at
least it's realistic. Try not to let the Nazis
get you down too much.


What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla


I am sorry M'Lord. I did not know it was you.
Please forgive my ignorance, and accept this
gift from your humble servant.
click
here to become a vampire


Does Death Become You?
brought to you by Quizilla


You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.


What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla


Heh, I really like the pic on that last one.

>> Alan spun round and round on 12/09/2003 10:08:00 PM (0) comments

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::12.03.2003::

Ph34r t3h d3p7h...


I was flipping through the airwaves of my famed 'boob-tube', and came across this show "Everwood". Now, personally I see it as a debacle of modern drama, portraying that adolescents are far more intelligent than their parents, that good parenting comes only from listening to what your children believe is right, and in essence giving them what they feel it is that they want. I earnestly can say that in some cases compromising is the way to go about it, but to give your child what it is they say they want at that exact second is suicide as a parent. God knows that I myself have desired this or that, only to realize somewhere down this proverbial road called life, it wasn’t what I needed. My own parents have stepped up to the plate, and denied me this or that, and ultimately there have been times when I hated it, and times where my only response is ‘thank you’.

But, I digress, I post this excerpt because it was what was on, and as much as I hate to admit it, it’s true. The more that I’ve thought about the message of this passage, the more that I’ve contemplated the concept of a fatal flaw the more I’ve come to realize how often we ignore our own flaws, assuming that others will just spot them at first glance.

With the events that have been going on in my life over the last few years I’ve realized that I’ve only been lying to myself. Hearing whatever I wanted to hear, saying what others wanted to hear, doing what others have wanted me to do, all in the guise of trying to get myself to feel better. What I once thought love has turned to lust, truth to lies, and valor to humiliation. I’ve come to realize that the people I most need to thank are the ones that I’ve sent away.


“My Fatal Flaw, by Ephram Brown

The more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it's the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw: my inability to change.

I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still... It feels safer somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected... Who knows what other pain might be out there, waiting for you. Chances are it could be even worse.

So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn't seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You're not a drug addict. You're not killing anyone... Except maybe yourself a little.

When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they looked at us really close. Which, thank God, they never do.

But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever... that you'll never have to change again.”

>> Alan spun round and round on 12/03/2003 09:52:00 PM (0) comments

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