::3.27.2003::

Right, well since my last entry life has been filled with shitty-ness. First and foremost the girl that my last entry was addressing didn’t think it was to her, she thought it was to this really annoying skank that I asked out once. She also was going to find out if a girl in my ceramics class had a date for prom, but that can be over looked, as she’s been having a rough time with this guy she’s dating and didn’t tell me about… Then last night I had to put together an entire research paper and I ended up only getting an hour of sleep (not fun), only to get another assigned today, and I can’t use a 16 page paper that I’ve already done for that assignment, and thusly must write a whole new paper. Sarah called me this afternoon, and wants me to come to another party at her house (which in reality is an orgy at her house involving a bunch of minors!!!), this would not be so bad should I had someone to bring alone for personal fun… Anyhow, now that I’ve cooled off, (and gotten all that off my chest and out of my system...) I’m looking forward to this weekend as my parents are going out of town, all I can say is that evil doings will ensue. :)

>> Alan spun round and round on 3/27/2003 07:13:00 PM (0) comments

::3.19.2003::

Well, I've decided that I can no longer hide how I feel about that which I've damned(see entry on 3/2/2003 # 2). It has the potential to utterly destroy something that I care deeply for, a friendship. I learned the lesson of not discussing your true feelings with those one is closest to last spring with Tiffany (whom I still miss), but I fear that as the year comes to it’s proverbial close that those emotions will be nothing more than a distraction and I need another distraction like I need to be shorter. To quote Francesca Lia Block "Love is a dangerous angel.” Perhaps I care too much about the people in my life. All I can say for certain is that I’ve lost two people very dear to me over the past year in service of some glorious and holy being. Ash, Tiffany; I miss you both very much and hope that you’ll somehow forgive me for the mistakes that I’ve made. In service of this angel I've made sacrifices both big and small, and now in service of that angel I make a leap of faith. I know that the person who this is about has no similar feelings toward me, and I hope that she will totally understand what I’m about to say. I’m falling for you, but I want you to know that this will be my only action on those feelings as I care more about our history. How you react to this, I don’t care, I’d like to think that things would continue to go on as they have been since we met freshman year in that math class. The ironies of life never cease to amuse. You know how to get a hold of me if you need to talk to me.

>> Alan spun round and round on 3/19/2003 08:42:00 AM (0) comments

::3.11.2003::

Today was very strange… It all started when I got to school and opened my locker to find that someone had placed a printed copy of this site in my locker. I’ve no clue who could have done this, and all the people that I’ve mentioned in this have no clue where to find my locker let alone this site. To who ever did it, I’m going to hunt your a$$ down you sick f!&$. Then when I got home I found a six pack of Mikes Hard Iced Tea on my counter, I’m not a huge fan but it’s always nice to sit down with one at dinner. Anyhow getting back to my story, my parents had bought them and left them there, with a note saying that they were for me!!! Never have my parents given me alcohol except on holidays and even then it’s only one or two glasses. I’ve always had to go to other sources for that stuff. Then about twenty minutes ago Ash signed on AIM and I IM’d her just to say hey, but she signs off without responding about a minute later, and she has never done that to me without at least saying hey back. I’m going to just go and practice, as it seems that anything and everything is strangely out of whack.

>> Alan spun round and round on 3/11/2003 07:13:00 PM (0) comments

::3.09.2003::

You know looking back on this weekend; I probably could have done without Friday night. I know that I really shouldn’t be saying this, especially with the possibility that the person whom the focus of this entry is about could read this, but I really could care less. It has been said that “only a fool wears his heart on his sleeve,” and friends I am the biggest fool of them all. Seeing Ash this weekend (mainly the occurrences at Lyd’s house that evening) just brought back all this crap I thought I’d finally gotten out of my head, and now I can’t get it back out. I know that there was really nothing between us before she left and all the times that she’s been back, but well, what else can I say other than that Ash was still just as good looking as when she’d left last fall. Ash if you’re reading this don’t take it as I didn’t have a good time Friday night, because I had a great time, and it was great to see you. I just need to get a better control of my emotions and learn to get the stuff that hurts out of my head faster. I mean I still feel a little bad about the circumstances when you first left for college. I’m still sorry for the way that I acted and the things that I did.

>> Alan spun round and round on 3/09/2003 08:38:00 PM (0) comments

::3.08.2003::

Last night was to say the least interesting… My friend Bobby and I went to see Daredevil and although Ben’s acting wasn’t that bad, it was truly Jennifer Garner and those gowns (the likes of which I’d love to see on plenty of other women in addition to Garner) who held the movie together. After that we were pulling out of the parking space when who should show up but Ash and Lyd, they had just left a note on Bobbie’s car. I hadn’t seen Ash in maybe 3 or 4 months and Lyd in about 3 weeks. They had just finished their rounds at the rink and were going to grab a copy of “The Ring” and watch it at Lyd’s. They invited us along and so we were off, (after all who were we to refuse the company of two young women…) but when we got to Blockbuster, they didn’t have it so we rented Ash’s bane “Event Horizon” (she’d never been able to watch it all the way through). Two hours later with a sore hand (Ash, was nowhere near as strong as I remember her being) we were on our way home (this was at about 1 in the morning). I had a great time and look forward to the summer when the whole crew will be home from college (and I’ll have a car…). It’s strange for me this year as I’ve never really hung out with anyone my age. I’ve always been someone to hang out with those older than I; heck, my freshman year I had more friends that were seniors than other freshman, but like I said, when summer comes around things will hopefully be back to the norm.

>> Alan spun round and round on 3/08/2003 09:11:00 AM (0) comments

::3.06.2003::

Wow, today was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be, however, Kristen I hope that your days get less "interesting." Any how yeah ceramics was perhaps the worst of the day, got crap all over my other shirt, apparently my clothes no longer like to stay clean, but to each their own I say. Yeah, this is making me start to realize just how dull my life truly is, I mean look at me, and I’m talking about how boring my life is in the hopes of entertaining you, the reader. My guess is that it’s not working, eh not my problem if you want entertainment go watch a movie, I’m not here to entertain you.

>> Alan spun round and round on 3/06/2003 05:58:00 PM (0) comments

Argh... Today is going to suck, here I've been up for an hour and I'm already running late, I've spilled coffee on one of my favorite shirts. On a lighter note, an admissions representative from the art institute called last night, they want me to come visit the campus even though I know that I'm already in.

>> Alan spun round and round on 3/06/2003 08:07:00 AM (0) comments

::3.05.2003::

Damn forgot to go to the bank again... looks like I'm bringing my lunch tomorrow. Got the inspiration to write a poem today, it is still a long way off before I post it, but I thought I'd give you the heads up so that you have something to look forward to. Once again it was a decent day, no big occurrences that were bad. I've got a lot of work to do, 1 research paper, 2 essays, a project, and 2 tests, all before the months out. I'm sure I'll get bogged down with crap, but I need the burden as I seem to have many more idea's and tend to put more effort in the more that the pressure is on. Besides isn't one of the four teachings of Buddhism that "existence is suffering"? Well I’ll leave you to ponder whether or not human reality is truly defined by our suffering or our happiness.

“Did you know that the first Matrix was designed to be a perfect human world? Where none suffered, where everyone would be happy. It was a disaster. No one would accept theprogram. Entire crops were lost.” -"The Matrix"

>> Alan spun round and round on 3/05/2003 06:23:00 PM (0) comments

::3.04.2003::

Argh... wow, I feel much better now that I've gotten that out of my system. Today was decent, to say the least. I had a dentist appointment this morning and missed some school, and this was quickly followed by a nice breakfast of a cinnamon roll and cappuccino. This was not the bad part. The bad part was the overwhelming temptation to tell this girl how I feel about her, but the fact that I've been friends with her for as long as I have is the only thing holding me back. Beh, no big, I just remind myself of all the failures that have been caused by my being open about things of this nature, besides I got a few new cd' s and a new video game to take my mind off it(and hopefully it will). Well, until my next entry, ciao.

>> Alan spun round and round on 3/04/2003 04:56:00 PM (0) comments

::3.02.2003::

Yes, well today sucked for 2 reasons.

1) Zippy, I love ya, but I'm not going to go and hang out with you anymore, mainly because I'm tired of how much you like he who shall not be named (for many a reason) and yet, you do nothing. Part of the reason they call love a 'game' is because thats what it should be, ask the guy out already, the way you two were digging on each other this afternoon was obvious. I think that you should go for it even though he maybe leaving would you rather that he leaves and you end up regretting it for god knows how long? Believe me, I've made the mistake of doing nothing quite a few times and the results are no picnic. Did you ever think that maybe he'll change his mind and end up going some where closer? Besides I think that I really screwed up this friendship when we had that whole “are you digging on me” conversation, because since then you’ve been very distant.

2) Damn all that makes us human, damn semantics, damn emotion, damn all cognitive thought, but most of all damn two young women who won’t get the f*$! out of my head. It's depressing knowing that there is a woman who you miss and cannot figure out how to fix things with, and another who you know you shouldn’t do anything about; yet you can’t help but want to change both of those things. You can’t help but want to change yourself, to change your past, present, and future; but your past is doing nothing but holding you back.

Right well, I'm going to shut up now.

>> Alan spun round and round on 3/02/2003 09:39:00 PM (0) comments

Yes, well, obviously this is my blog. Hello, and welcome.

>> Alan spun round and round on 3/02/2003 09:07:00 PM (0) comments