.:||:. Controlled Spin .:||:.

::8.31.2004::

Bored...

So yeah, I'm really fucking bored and I'm sitting here in the bloody library hoping that I don't go completely insane before my next class, which is French and is taught by a complete nut case, so I guess in the long run I'm screwed. I'd go to the mall or something, but then I would probably end up spending money, which I don't have much of these days, I kind of screwed myself when I bought that punch down tool for work. That is something that I'll not be doing again anytime soon. I had to cancel all of my newsgroups and my hosting service; I was about 400 dollars in debt. On a positive note, I'm no longer in debt, and I’m slowly working the hole I'd dug back into the mountain it once was, but that is a long ways off. I saw Crystal in the common today, but I was on a mission so to speak and couldn't stop and say hey. She is really freaking cute too. Is it a bad thing if I know that I'm already falling back into my old habits again? I'm fucking mad as hell, I ordered a new cell phone (I'm finally getting a steady plan, no more of this pre-paid shit), but the model phone I ordered is on bloody back-order and thus I've been without a social life for about a week now, I fear I may be loosing it. Once again however, on a positive note, it is a camera phone and you know what that means... That’s right, entries with pictures, who know, maybe I'll do an audio entry with a slide show one of these days when I can get off my lazy ass and get back to programming.

Anyhow slipping back into the Alan you all know and love, Crystal is really cute, she reminds me of Amy (the artsy one Miguel) and Jen (Natalie’s sister) combined and she is really sweet, Nicole you may have some competition here... J/k I don't think Nicole can be topped for cute/sweet-ness. I talked to Taylor about the ball game, and he was cool with my possibly taking Nicole instead of him, though I'd like to hangout with him, because I only get to see him on the weekends. Nicole I can see most anytime at the ‘Burb’. I ran into ‘Jägermeister’ Liz the other day, it was kind of awkward since the last time that I talked to her it was when we woke up naked together and couldn't remember what we'd done the night before. A note to all you kids out there Jägermeister is not your friend, at least anywhere beyond 8 shot's it isn't. Liz is doing well though, still working for my Uncle as a receptionist. She's started back to school; she's going to the Art Institute, for graphic design. That reminds me though, Bobby turned 21 yesterday, which means I'm going out and getting ploughed tonight even though I know for a fact that I shouldn't, I'm in the office tomorrow and I do need to be able to function with some level of competence. Jon is out of town though so I should be safe to come in hung-over, plus I can leave when ever I want. Damn it I want my cell phone, you have no idea how sad I probably look sitting here in the library, trying to look like I'm doing something. Well classes just got out, I'm going to see if I can find Crystal, so on that note, I'm out.

>> Alan spun round and round on 8/31/2004 11:12:00 AM (3) comments

::8.23.2004::

::blink blink:: WTF was that??!!

So, it's been a while since I've written anything, and I figure that if there is anyone out there who still reads this, that they would want to hear what's going on with me.

It's monday and I'm all alone at the office... bored, but on a positive note the two biggest players in my circle of firends came home this weekend to see me. Fire came home Friday afternoon, and we hung out till I had to go to work Saturday night. Then last night Sarah called me and told me that she'd been kicked out of her dorm and wanted to chill before she left back to school today. The only person that I didn't hear from this weekend was Guinevere, but to be quite honest I'd prefer never to hear from her. I love her, but she left, I can't stop thinking about her; worring if she's okay if she needs help and all that what-not; but I think it would be better for me if she and I just went our seperate ways completely. Given our past, and how our relationship has always drifted from one state to another, I don't know how I'd react if she came back and brought her latest boy toy with her, or came back and wanted to give it another shot, but I think that in my mind I'm over her, it's just that some part of me continues to hope that she'll come back.

Classes start tomorrow for me, and I'm rellay looking forward to getting back in the class room, but I'm not looking forward to having to be in said class room at 8 in the morning. Thankfully I only have class on Tuesday's and Thursday's, and that my Thursday classes don't start until 11:00. I've also arranged it so that I'm no longer working at all on Friday's which means that I'm going to be visiting various other colleges to catch up with old friends.

I'm in the process of getting a new cell plan and I hope that my number won't change, but should I get a new one, you can be sure that I'll be spreading the word to everyone. I'm also debating if I want to change the look of my site or just make a new one.

The webcomic I mentioned a while ago is still under construction, I'm working on devloping the character profiles before I begin work on the storyboard. The CD I was working on in my entry from a couple weeks ago is almost done, I'm just fininshing the cover art, so expect to see that soon. The screen play was kind of put on hold with the whole Guinevere and I thing, but I plan to get back to work on that. My brother has asked me to come play lead in his band, but I'm not entirely sure that I'm up for that, I think my improv sucks, all of the solo's and leads I've written have taken months to get perfect (at least in my mind) and from what he's told me about the band they need someone who can write on the fly.

I'm really proud of myself, I've cut back on the alcohol, and I've been getting up really early and running 3 miles for the past two weeks. The one thing that I'd like to do though is make the time to start working on my arms, I've always hade really skinny arms and I think I'm going to try and bulk them up.

>> Alan spun round and round on 8/23/2004 02:21:00 PM (0) comments

::8.09.2004::

Sometimes I wish that I'm not all that I am...

That's right the love sick fool is at it again... Good goo, I write too much.

Time has always and will always be the greatest of enemies any of us will ever face. The past will forever haunt us, the present is never quite what you want it to be, and the future is always uncertain. Time leaves all with an unsure sense of being, when will we lose that which we love most, when will we find that love a proxy. When will it end and how will it end. When will it begin and how will it begin. When ever we find an answer we seek, time will only reveal more questions. The deeper our understanding, the shallower the pool becomes. The more we try the more we fail. Great empires and even greater leaders have all fallen victims to this most formidable of foes. Legends are written and hero's are born, yet all have fallen, adding bearing to the phrase 'all in due time'. What we are left with are the crumbled tales of Camelot, Atlantis, and Pompeii; of paradise lost.

The only thing that carries any of us onward is the faint glimmer of hope. Hope that the answers will come; hope that things will work out, that a proxy will be found, and that our understanding will not dry our pool of reasoning beyond repair. My time with her is finally coming to its austere and unsightly end. Every bone in my body tells me to do everything to keep her in my life. I know that I cannot follow, that my life has been given a different path. I cannot bring myself to tell her to go and not to look back, though I know that should we ever meet again that I'll only find myself wading in the same slow ache I am drowning in at this very moment.

I've found myself in a situation that most have only read about, should the idealist give up the dream for his own good, or should he hold onto that glimmer of hope. She is my Guinevere, and I will forever be her Arthur, I will forever be here to save the day without desire for reward, for I know that the only worthy reward cannot be obtained. Whatever the conclusion, Camelot's greatest treasure will be missed more than any could possibly imagine.

"Time is a monster that cannot be reasoned with. It responds like a snail to our patience and races like a gazelle when you are out of breath."

-- Simon Birch (Narrated by Jim Carrey)

>> Alan spun round and round on 8/09/2004 02:19:00 PM (0) comments

::8.04.2004::

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go...

So I've begun work on a new mix CD, entitled "the things we never forget". I hope to have cover art and tracklisting posted soon. The $250 I spent on CD's and DVD's this past weekend should help my creative juices, plus I get my DVD burner today. I've been trying to keep myself busy so that I don't start thinking about the next few weeks, but it still manages to get to me some times.

Any how duty calls...

ciao

>> Alan spun round and round on 8/04/2004 10:02:00 AM (0) comments