::8.09.2004::

Sometimes I wish that I'm not all that I am...

That's right the love sick fool is at it again... Good goo, I write too much.

Time has always and will always be the greatest of enemies any of us will ever face. The past will forever haunt us, the present is never quite what you want it to be, and the future is always uncertain. Time leaves all with an unsure sense of being, when will we lose that which we love most, when will we find that love a proxy. When will it end and how will it end. When will it begin and how will it begin. When ever we find an answer we seek, time will only reveal more questions. The deeper our understanding, the shallower the pool becomes. The more we try the more we fail. Great empires and even greater leaders have all fallen victims to this most formidable of foes. Legends are written and hero's are born, yet all have fallen, adding bearing to the phrase 'all in due time'. What we are left with are the crumbled tales of Camelot, Atlantis, and Pompeii; of paradise lost.

The only thing that carries any of us onward is the faint glimmer of hope. Hope that the answers will come; hope that things will work out, that a proxy will be found, and that our understanding will not dry our pool of reasoning beyond repair. My time with her is finally coming to its austere and unsightly end. Every bone in my body tells me to do everything to keep her in my life. I know that I cannot follow, that my life has been given a different path. I cannot bring myself to tell her to go and not to look back, though I know that should we ever meet again that I'll only find myself wading in the same slow ache I am drowning in at this very moment.

I've found myself in a situation that most have only read about, should the idealist give up the dream for his own good, or should he hold onto that glimmer of hope. She is my Guinevere, and I will forever be her Arthur, I will forever be here to save the day without desire for reward, for I know that the only worthy reward cannot be obtained. Whatever the conclusion, Camelot's greatest treasure will be missed more than any could possibly imagine.


"Time is a monster that cannot be reasoned with. It responds like a snail to our patience and races like a gazelle when you are out of breath."

-- Simon Birch (Narrated by Jim Carrey)

>> Alan spun round and round on 8/09/2004 02:19:00 PM