::6.26.2003::
Dude, found an awsome band, they have a sound like Creed combined with Trapt. Here's the lyrics to a song of their's that describes exactly what is going on with me right now...
"Lately I've been wandering
Off the narrow path
You’ve given me so many things that I've never had
And all in all I know it's you that always pulls me through
If you reach deep inside you’ll see my heart is true
‘Cause I hate the way I feel tonight
And I know I need you in my life
Yes I hate the way I feel inside
And I promise to make the sacrifice
The world I know is pulling me
More and more each day
I feel like the odd man out as I begin to pray
Spiteful eyes are watching me
With everything I do
In the midst of darkness Lord
My spirit calls for you
(You know sometimes deep inside)
I feel like this"
-- 12 Stones "The Way I Feel"
>> Alan spun round and round on 6/26/2003 07:33:00 PM (0) comments
::6.14.2003::
Right, well had a very strange dream last night and that is definitely the last time I have a milkshake right before I go to sleep. Zippy and I were sitting on a wooden raft in the middle of one of those wave pools in an amusement park having a picnic. Then I look around and all of my ex's and old flames are standing around the wave pool staring at her and me. Suddenly they all start to chant “Make a move already,” Sarah and I ignore it for a while, but then she says “Fine, if I do something will you people shut up and leave us alone.” Of course as you could probably guess, they agree to these terms. At this point Sarah pulls a pack of Dentine Ice from her bathing suit top and pops a piece into her mouth. Next thing I know she leans in and we kiss and somehow the gum is now in my mouth. Dentine Ice commercials always end with someone’s breathing out frost, well, I do and the entire wave pool turns to ice, and then I woke up. The meaning behind this dream, a milkshake before bed is not a good idea.
>> Alan spun round and round on 6/14/2003 10:51:00 AM (0) comments
::6.11.2003::
That’s it; my direction in life has been brought into the light. It came to me in a dream last night after the shitty-ness that was yesterday. I’ve decided that there is nothing left for me here in Roswell. I will never be with the people I want to be with and will never have everything that I want rotting in this city of rich snobs. I’m going to take the internship with the Hayden Technologies. In the fall (or sooner depending on when I can get it all organized in New York) I’ll continue working and go to the Institute. Come next year on this day at this hour, I die in Roswell. All ties, family and friend, will get a final goodbye then I’m off. Both the Institute and Hayden have offices in New York. I need to get away from all of the bleak despondency that I’ve found here. I have done nothing but hurt those that I want to hurt least. A fresh start in a new place without ties anywhere else will do me good and like I said, there is nothing left for me here. The only reason that I’m still here is that I’ve no current arrangements in New York.
"No I don't know where I'm going
But I sure know where I've been
Hanging on the promises in songs of yesterday
And I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time
Though I keep searching for an answer
I never seem to find what I'm looking for
Oh Lord I pray you give me strength to carry on
'Cause I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams
And here I go again on my own
Going down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
But I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time
Just another heart in need of rescue
Waiting on love's sweet charity
And I'm gonna hold on for the rest of my days
'Cause I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams
And here I go again on my own
Going down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
And I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time
But here I go again
Here I go again
Here I go again
Ooo baby Oooooo yeah
And I've made up my mind
Ooo baby
I ain't wasting no more time
And here I go again on my own
Going down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
'Cause I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams
And here I go again on my own
Going down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone"
-- Whitesnake 'Here I Go Again"
>> Alan spun round and round on 6/11/2003 09:14:00 AM (0) comments
::6.06.2003::
So haven’t made an entry for a while and yesterday definitely gave me the inspiration to write…
Anyhow, guess who called… Tiff. We met up in the park and tossed the Frisbee around for a while then we went for ice cream. After that we each did our own thing I went for dinner and she went to Venture group (she described it as co-ed boy scouts). After that at about 9:00 we went to Barnes & Noble and hung out there until 10:00 when we went to see Down with Love. The movie itself wasn’t that bad, but the activity in the theatre got to me. It was rather uncomfortable sitting next to someone who I realized that I’ve still got a little feeling for. I thought that I was over her but just spending time with her it all came back. I didn’t have any trouble controlling it all, but sitting there it just got me thinking and to be honest I hardly remember anything about the movie. Then when I was getting out of the car after the movie I looked over at her and the look on her face made me think that she was expecting me to kiss her or something. WTF do you do in that type of situation, that kind of relationship is over and done with between her and I and it’s not like one can just blatantly say something about it. We are finally getting back to just being friends and a situation like that occurs, just no… bad… not fun.
At this point in my life for every reason I can think of to get tangled into that situation I can think of two reasons not to. Honestly I could use a break from it all, from my life, from summer, better yet from Georgia. As much as I dislike the direction that my friend Jason took, I am seriously thinking about going and visiting him in Florida, if only to just get away from here long enough to hit the proverbial reset button. I haven’t been on a vacation where I actually relaxed and did what I wanted and needed to do well over three years. Hell, I haven’t been to a concert since I moved here and that was almost eight years ago now. I hate Roswell, I’m constantly pacing the floor, restless; I need to get out go find some adventure or travel or something. I remember the last time that I felt that divine sense of adventure and freedom; it was the summer of eighth grade when I went down to Tybee and spent the night on the beach. I remember the fires of the sun rise, and the glow of the ocean, and the magnificence of it all. The glory and awe of that one moment, is something that has been merely memory since that day.
I’m beginning work on another song, and I might start to post some of my essays, as everyone seems to be asking me what I’m up to. All that stuff though I’m going to post in my profile, the link on the left side of the page. I’ll be sure and give everyone a heads up though when I do. I haven’t updated my profile since March, so I’m thinking that it’s about time.
Song to Checkout ---> Bon Jovi “Drift Away” (The new Uncle Kracker version sucks compared to the Bon Jovi cover of this classic Dobie Gray song)
>> Alan spun round and round on 6/06/2003 10:37:00 AM (0) comments
::6.01.2003::
Friday was interesting... The guys keep giving me crap about what went on that night. To make a long story short I saw a side of one of my good friends that I didn't think existed. I'm not saying that I didn't um... 'enjoy' myself, but it was certainly surprising; other that that though, it's been rather uneventful.
>> Alan spun round and round on 6/01/2003 11:37:00 PM (0) comments